


Now I have fear

by Honeyedwine



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, its romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 01:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18713701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeyedwine/pseuds/Honeyedwine
Summary: an exploration of the 7x02 episode where Grey Worm doesn't say goodbye to Missandei before leaving for Casterly Rock. they're so in love it hurts.





	Now I have fear

**Author's Note:**

> most of this is taken directly from the episode itself so that dialogue and the characters all belong to GRRM, HBO and whoever else owns the rights. I'm just a simple girl adding emotionally overwrought context to a scene i'm deeply obsessed with. mostly posting this because i want to practice fic writing and contribute to a criminally underrated ship that i love

Missandei watches as the Unsullied prepare to board the ships, carrying armor, spears, provisions. While conducting it all, Grey Worm stood apart from the frenzy of activity. Officers flock to him for guidance or to give report and he stands shoulders back, head high like the leader he is. His gravelly voice rings out with orders. Seriousness in every line of his body and the ranks are fraught with tension. It will be their first Westerosi assault in the campaign for Queen Daenerys’ throne, she’s anxious and shaky by her Queen’s side as they oversee the preparation. 

Daenerys turns towards her, her own concerns fleeing her mind as she sees Missandei’s state.

“Are you okay, my friend? Are you ill?”, Daenerys says, turning to one of her aides. Perhaps to request a healer for her. 

“I am fine, your Grace. It’s just I’m nervous, I suppose.” Missandei says her voice soft and melodic as always. 

“You do not think the Unsullied can overtake Casterly Rock?”

“I don’t doubt their abilities or prowess but I- I worry for the uncertainty of the future. Do you not worry for them, your Grace?”

“Of course I worry for them as I worry for all my people. Yet, I believe they will help me take back what is mine. I have to believe they will be successful, one must delegate worry as a ruler or you’ll go mad.” Daenerys smiles ruefully. “Now, my friend, I plan to dismiss the Unsullied for the night, I’m sure their fearless leader will retire to his room. A mere hall’s length away from your own. Go to him.”

“But, your Grace, I am not sure my company is wanted. He has been avoiding my gaze ever since you ordered the attack. I worry that maybe he is no longer interested.” Missandei says, her eyes downcast and her voice full of emotion. 

“There is only one way to find out, dear,” Daenerys gestures to her guard, Jhaqo, “Tell the Unsullied to rest for tomorrow’s journey.” The dothraki man proceeds her to relay her orders and she drifts away, her leather skirts whipping about in the breeze. The rest of her queen’s guard follow closely behind, leaving Missandei on the walls of the castle by herself. 

She never notices the cold at her queen’s side, but parted from her the chill seeps into her bones. It is the coldest place she’s ever been. It will be colder still when they reach Westeros. She misses Naath where the sun warms the white sands of the beaches. She misses being warm, this cold unwelcoming place is not her home, but she will serve her Queen as they all have chosen to do. 

Missandei enters the castle tiring of her own solemn introspection. She walks slowly, aimlessly down the labyrinthine halls with no destination in mind. His room her mind supplies. Her room. His room. She cannot decide but it seems her subconscious has decided for her and before Missandei knows it she is at his door. She knocks tentatively her knuckles rasping against the hardwood of the door. 

“Come in”, Grey Worm responds.

When she enters the dark, sparse room as he’s sharpening his sword. He stands upon realizing it's her. He shifts his weight from foot to foot crossing his arms behind his back. His posture is so formal, so severe. 

“You leave tomorrow.” Missandei states plainly. He nods an affirmative and continues to avoid her gaze.

“Were you going to say goodbye?” she asks, knowing the answer. He wasn’t going to. He was going to leave here on a dangerous mission without a goodbye. He told her in Meereen that he would never change being Unsullied, being cut, having no name, no memories all because it led him to meet her. He said it like it meant something. Like knowing her was important, vital. Like she meant something. It did mean something, she knows it did, it had to.

“I will see you when I return”, he says.

“But you don’t know when that will be.”

“No one knows”, he replies with a shake of his head, eyes still downcast. She takes in a breath, tears springing to her eyes. Why won’t he look at me, she thinks desperately. 

Missandei takes another fortifying breath, “I wish you good fortune” she says turning to flee his avoidant eyes and dismissive replies.

“Missandei” Grey Worm calls out. “It's hard for me to say goodbye to you.”

“ Why?”

“You know why.”

“ I don't,” why can he not just bid her farewell? Is it so hard to look upon her face?

“You are my weakness.” his eyes imploring her to understand.

“Your weakness? Is that what I am to you?”, she replies indignantly. 

“When Unsullied are young the Masters learn their fears. One boy is scared of dogs. One boy hates high places. One boy is scared of the ocean.” he starts gesturing with his hands, his eyes finally meeting hers. He looks at her. Begging her to understand. She listens hurt roiling in her chest. Weakness. Is that all there is to see in her?  
He continues,“The masters make the boy sleep with dogs or climate a cliff. They throw him in the water. He learns to swim? Good. If he drowns? Good, either way strong Unsullied. And I had no fears. I was never the biggest never the strongest, but I was bravest. Always.”

“I believe it.”

“Until I meet Missandei from the island of Naath. Now I have fear.” he says, and she finally understands. He fears losing her, fears what it means to never see her again. He fears the vulnerability of being afraid.

 

“I do too” she says. They stand in this moment of terror together, the idea of never seeing each other again seizes them both and tears well in their eyes as they stare at one another. Grey Worm is the first to look away and Missandei closes her eyes as her emotions flow through her. He does care. He was too scared to say goodbye, not knowing if it would be their last parting. He cares so much he couldn’t face it. He cares. Grey Worm can no longer take the distance between them, tackling the chasm of space in two strides he gathers her face in his hands kissing her with everything he has. They kiss with closed mouths, he pecks at her lips, and caresses her smooth cheeks and fisting her soft curls. And it’s perfect for a time. Then she grabs his hands and pulls away.

He looks struck, she can see the guilt flooding his face. He thinks he overstepped, or misunderstood. His previously blissful expression collapses in on itself and he looks at her with uncertainty. She grips the ties that keep the folds of her thick wool dress closed, letting the laces go slack she removes it from her shoulders. Baring her chest she swiftly steps out of her skirts, exposing all of her to his gaze. 

He looks at her reverently, like he can’t quite believe that she’s here choosing him. He doesn’t move a muscle as if moving will shatter the illusion before him. She reaches out to remove his clothing, ripping the buttons of his shirt. He helps her push the fabric off his shoulders. When she begins to work the ties of his pants he grips her arm, gentle but firm. 

“No.” he says, jaw clenched, eyes full of old hurts. He shakes his head softly. He doesn’t want her to see what the did to him. How the hurt him. What if she sees him differently when she has proof of what he lacks? What if his scars repulse her? What if-

“I want to see you. Please?” she says. He stares into her eyes for a long moment as if he’s searching for something. Slowly he shakes his head yes and releases his grip on her arm. His eyes look lost and terrified as she drops to the ground to remove his trousers.  
She looks at him, the place where he was cut. And when she raises her gaze to meet his, his eyes are full of uncertainty. She smiles at him lightly, peeking up from beneath her lashes. The fear leaves his face and he smiles back. She lavishes his face in tiny kisses. His cheek, his forehead, his nose. I love you the kisses say. I accept you the kisses say. I adore you the kisses say.

She guides him to the bed and lays back against the sheets. There a moment where the heat between them cools and Missandei’s anxiety returns. Laying here in this bed, fully exposed before the man she loves.He kisses her lips once, trailing to her cheek and neck. Slowly making his descent down the planes of her body. Her skin sensitized by every touch of his lips. She feels him between her legs, his palms lightly gripping her thighs. The first touch of his tongue sends a shiver through her body, and she thinks about the words "Now I have fear" as bliss fills her.


End file.
